Love

Sometimes love comes in like a hurricane. A powerful love that leave a wake of destruction in it’s path. 

Other times love comes like a soft, gentle spring rain, warm and gentle. A sweet love that brings beauty and nurtures life’s flowers in it’s wake. 
 

Weekend 

We had a great weekend. I took Sunday off of work (not an easy feat, I have to find someone to cover for me). We decided to take a day trip to St. Augustine. It happens to be one of my favorite cities. 

Stepdaughter’s memaw and poppy (D’s mom and stepdad) live about 45 minutes from there so they met up with us for lunch and a short visit with their granddaughter. It was very nice 🙂

Around Christmas time I sent her memaw a link about a mermaid blanket that could be crocheted. I knew stepdaughter would love it. I also knew I don’t have the time, patience or inclination to make it. I asked her memaw if she wanted to make it for stepdaughter as a Christmas present. 

Long story short, it didn’t get made in time for Christmas! lol. Stepdaughter was presented with the blanket yesterday. She loves it.  And it turned out adorable! Memaw is definitely very talented. 

 

Troll

Shout out to my online blog stalker/troll. Your opinion of me is duly noted. 🙂 Your comments now filter to spam (from both of your “identities”)*

 
I find it amusing how much interest you have taken in my little corner of the blogosphere. Thank you! Thanks to you yesterday my blog had it’s best day of views ever! 90 views from only 10 people….you are a busy boy!

Two of those “people” were you, weren’t they? Two different IP addresses, probably one from work and one from home. Hey, I’ll take it where I can get it!
Have fun reading today. Keep up the good work! I hope we can beat yesterday’s record!  You haven’t yet explored some of my older work. You’re gonna love it!

*Did you know that every comment has an IP address attached? So, when two different “people” comment from the same IP address, it’s a pretty safe bet that it’s the same person. Just FYI.

Week Two

Today marks the end of the second week that stepdaughter is with us full time. She’s doing well. Standardized testing is this week at her school. Then it’s all down hill until summer break! Phew. The foreclosure date for the house that stepdaughter and her mom are living in is set for May 11th. We’ll see what happens there. 

Stepdaughter’s mom contacted me on Wednesday. There’s more confusion with the parenting plan! She thinks stepdaughter is supposed to be at her house every Thursday. Nope. Just every other Thursday. She has super-special plans already made for this Thursday and could we pretty please let stepdaughter come? 

I’m conflicted. This lady wrote this parenting plan in her own handwriting, submitted it to her lawyer and we agreed to everything she had written, page by page. Together with her lawyer and D’s lawyer. Yet, twice already she has said “that’s not what I meant” or “that’s not what I agreed to.” It’s making my head spin. 

Since testing is scheduled for Thursday and Friday it didn’t seem wise to change the schedule and send stepdaughter to her mom’s for her super special plans when she should be getting a good night’s rest on Thursday night. As a compromise, we offered for stepdaughter to go to mom’s on Friday after school and mom will drop off at our house later in the evening. 

I asked stepdaughter if she knew what mom had planned. A movie. Stepdaughter said mom wants to take her to see The Jungle Book before her dad and I can. Ok. Have fun with that. It’s obviously very important to her and it means next to nothing to us to be the first to take her to see a new movie.  

School Commute

Hey all! We’re getting settled into this new routine. Stepdaughter now lives with us full-time. Honestly, so far the transition has been easier than we expected (knock on wood!). The biggest adjustment is the drive every day!

 
We started out with me taking her and picking her up from school every day. But that’s over three hours of driving….Every. Single. Day. No thanks. Now dad takes her in the morning. And I pick her up. It’s better.

 
Sadly, that means the two of them have to wake up at 5:30am. So, he can drop her off at the school’s before care by 6:30 and be to work by 7:30. I was a little worried about her waking up that early, but she seems to be doing ok with it. She doesn’t complain and she doesn’t seem overly tired after school. It’s only another month until school lets out.

 
Yesterday when I picked stepdaughter up she said, “oh, my mom said she was going to come have lunch with me at school today. She didn’t come.” I said, “oh no! were you sad?!” She told me, “naw, I knew she would forget.” 😦

 

Mom lives one block from the school. She doesn’t work. She just “lost custody” of her daughter and just last week she was so very dramatic about losing the time. Me? I would have lunch every day at the school if I was so missing my child. But actions speak louder than words. Especially to children.

Foreclosure

The house that stepdaughter and her mom now live in is in foreclosure. The court date is Monday where they will set the sale date for the house. After that, they will be evicted. Where will they go? How will they move? How do you move when you don’t have a job? Where do you go when you’ve burned bridges with your family? Will stepdaughters belongings have to be abandoned? I don’t know the answers.

I hope that if mom ends up abandoning their belongings that we will be allowed to retrieve stepdaughter’s stuff. Starting this past week stepdaughter will be with us the majority of time. I think this happened in the nick of time. In the agreement we Decided to allow stepdaughter to finish this school year. That means a 45 minute (one way) commute twice a day for the next 6 weeks. Ugh. I’m already regretting that! But we know it’s what is best for stepdaughter. She has already changed schools so many times. We just want some consistency for her.  

Your Super Power is Creating Confusion

We have an agreement.

It’s in writing.

We talked it all out.

We discussed it together with your counselor.

There’s a third party witness.

How is it then, even when I’m so sure, you can make me doubt?

You make up such detailed scenarios.

You quote details in a conversation we never had.

And for one small moment, I begin to doubt myself.

Did I really say that?

Am I crazy?

Could I have forgotten this conversation?

My brain, for one moment, wants to believe you.

Because it sounds so believable.

Did I say that? I ask myself.

Did I give that impression?

No.

I know I didn’t

I know you’re an emotional magician.

You want to perform a slight of hand in my brain.

I wonder though….

Do you actually believe the lies you are telling?

 

 

 

 

Counselors and The Discard

I saw a counselor today. It was good. And bad. I think I have some issues to deal with regarding my grandma’s death. I never really sorted through it at the time. The counselor, in less than one hour was able to see the parallel between my relationship with my mother and my drive to “save” stepdaughter from her mother. The counselor thought it was unconscious on my part. Oh, no. I’m fully aware that I may have to support her when she realized how harmful her mother really is.
I can’t help but think about this latest development with stepdaughter’s mother. The lady essentially signed stepdaughter over to her dad. How must that feel to the child? It’s the ultimate discard by a narcissist and I can’t help but feel like stepdaughter’s mom did it on impulse trying to “teach her a lesson.” I may be wrong. But why else should she give up all “control” over this child? This child who she most assuredly sees as an extension of herself? I’m waiting for the backlash.

They Settled

D and his ex settled. They came to an agreement about Timesharing with stepdaughter. It’s odd to me how it ended. She agreed to everything. Everything and then some. 

So, now we will be the “primary” home. Stepdaughter will reside with us and visit mom’s house. This, I believe, is the best possible outcome for stepdaughter. She wil have stability and routine at our home that she was not getting at mom’s house.  Mom was unable to provide the consistency that we are. Yet, I’m still reeling and wondering if it’s the right thing. Mom gave up more time than we expected. 

As frustrating as her mom has been in the past couple of years for D and I, she’s still stepdaughter’s mom. I know she is not mentally healthy and she shows, at the very least, some traits of a narcissistic personality disorder. I believe it is best for stepdaughter to be in a different environment so she can learn healthy interactions and boundaries, but I also believe that she needs her mom. 

I have said many times during this recent court activity, if I could have one wish granted it would be for stepdaughter’s mom to get herself together, get a job and a home for the two of them and be a stable parent for stepdaughter. I would like nothing more than to see her being a successful parent. Truly. I know that’s what would be best for stepdaughter….to have two healthy parents working together to take care of her. 

Letters To My Stepdaughter

Stepdaughter,

    You’ve started 5th grade! We are so proud of you. Your mom has put you in yet another school. I know you like this one and it’s a good school! I wish it was permanent, but it’s not. You and mom will be moving again soon. How do I know? The home you’re living in with mom is in foreclosure. That means another move for you guys and another new school probably. 

     Last week I asked the coach at your new school if you could join the “safety patrol.” The coach asked you about your grades (A’s and B’s) and told us he would email your teacher from last year for a recommendation. It broke my heart when he asked you what school you went to last year. He told you there were other kids waiting to join safety patrol who had gone to this school since kindergarten and he wanted to give them a chance first. It broke my heart. Some kids have consistency in their lives and get to go to the same school. 

     You get to be safety patrol after all. The coach made a spot for you. I’m so happy that you get to be involved with something in your new school. But it makes me worry more. I’m worried that you will be devastated when you have to change schools yet again. I’m worried for you and the lack of stability in you life. This is an important time for you to form relationships that will carry you through junior high school and into high school. You told me the other day that you wanted to go to EG high school in our town. I hope you can! 

     It’s about to get really rough and I’m so sorry for that. You see, dad just filed in court to modify time sharing. I hope your mom is able to keep you sheltered from her anger and hatred toward your dad as this court battle progresses. We will do everything we can to shelter you from it. We won’t discuss it with you while you are with us. These things are for adults to sort out and not for children to worry about.

     Sadly, although we will not talk to you about it, we worry that your mom will. She may be telling you terrible things about your dad and I. She may be telling you that your dad and I are trying to take you away from her. She may continue to tell you that he is a deadbeat dad he refuses to support you. She will continue to call him “the asshole” when talking about your dad. 

     At 10 years old, you are very smart. Please know this. Your dad loves you very much. He wants the very best for you. He wants stability in your life and that’s why he’s going back to court. To fight for your future. To make sure you can live in the same house and go to the same school from now on. To remove you from the uncertainty and addiction that your mom is subjecting you to. Someday, we hope you will know all of this. 

     Maybe you already know that mom’s house is not the best place for you. Maybe you realize that this is the more stable environment. I hope so.   When the court hearings are all said and done, I hope you will come out on the other side unharmed. I hope we will be able to heal the feelings that will become damaged during this process. I hope you won’t hate your dad and I for doing what he believes is the right thing for you. This is all being done with your best interest and in love for you. 
Love,

Stepmom